By Gentle White Dove

When our 17-year-old son and I were trying to find the best of many options for him to find peace in his young life--and to complete his education--he said, "I want to go to ANASAZI." When I asked him why, his simple reply was, "I want to find my God." He then looked straight at me so I could see the truth in his eyes. I asked him, "Couldn't you find your God here?" He shook his head and said, "No, I want to go to ANASAZI."

I felt a warm assurance that his desire was right. Yes, where else should he go? I, too, had gone often in my youth into the quietness of nature to seek my Diyin (the Navajo word for the Sacred Being or the Holy Being). I had found Him and was given the peace I truly needed.

When my husband came home from work, my son and I presented his desire. My husband approved without hesitation. Many concerns weighed heavily on my mind and heart as we prepared to send him to ANASAZI.

When I saw the Trail Walker who was waiting for him outside the ANASAZI Foundation office with a big smile, I felt a deep longing for my son. My emotions were mixed--I knew this was the right path, but I had great concerns for my son's wellbeing in the wilderness. After trying to hold my son for forever in the fleeing brief moments, and after giving him a kiss on the cheek, he was off behind his Trail Walker.

As his parents, we were guided through our "Rabbitstick" or orientation to ANASAZI, the Making of a Walking. When we were introduced to the ANASAZI staff, I felt the comforting warmth that engulfed them. Into my mind came these words, "These are beautiful people!" As I have continued to associate with them, my admiration and gratitude have only deepened.

We attended the Parent Seminar with other parents. It gave us a more honest beginning place to see ourselves as we really are--as family, parents, and as individual human beings in our relationships with others.

We were then introduced to our Shadow Dale. Being and working with our Shadow Dale was so important for the whole family. Dale's gentle and unassuming ways were loving and purposeful. His sharing of the principles of the ANASAZI Way and the Parent Seminar brought us together and helped us to see things from a more complete view. He invited everyone's voice and heart to speak and take part in helping to make our home "a home at peace" for each family member.

My awakening was that we have more power than we realize to choose to enrich our kinship to others and to honor their true worth. In doing so, we nourish our own true worth and can walk with true inner peace--even in the midst of the storms and pains of life. On the other hand, we can use our power to choose to harm others by treating them less than they are. Then we, in turn, become less than we are meant to be.

I saw where I have been less than I was meant to be in my son's walking in life--thus inviting him to war with himself, his family, his Diyin, and me. I also saw where I have loved him purely and celebrated those moments, which multiplied his source of peace and contentment with himself, associates, family, and with his Diyin.

I saw again that most of his life had been full of goodness and happiness. Then the teen years of maturing into adulthood became a challenging time for him. He had and still has a good foundation from which he could know of himself--that when he could go no farther alone and could do no more by himself, he could seek the help of Diyin for hope, strength, clarity, and guidance. He not only gained a closer relationship with his Diyin but gained great friendships with and teachings from those who cared and walked with him.

After our son had been in the wilderness for four weeks, I felt impressed to ask if I could walk in his footsteps for four days, which is called the Rabbitstick Walking. My gratitude is great to all those who were involved in allowing me to have this sacred experience.

I was excited to follow our son in his walking but very aware of my weaknesses of being a Young Walker with a 52-year-old body and mind. The two witnesses that gave me courage were my son and my heart. My husband sent me off with these words, "Go find your burning bush."

When I got to the office, I was taught how to put my pack together. The nurse, to make sure I was physically able to do the four-day walking, checked me. After other important details were put in place, two other Young Walkers and I were soon in a van heading out of the city on a four-hour, one-way drive. Soon we were seeing more natural surroundings. We finally arrived at our drop-off area. We three Young Walkers headed out behind our Trail Walkers, Pete and Aubrey. It was late in the day.

Even though I had lived on the Navajo reservation as a child and had other experiences with nature, I knew that nature flows and grows according to the will of its Creator. It never stays the same and keeps changing.

Awkwardly at first, my whole being began to adjust to the new surroundings: the pack on my back; the changing ground on which we walked and sat; the uneven ground on which I slept; the climate; the quietness; the movements of other presences; and that feeling of aloneness until we became a band of friends.

After our first hike up a high hill, I felt sick and could not stop myself from throwing up. Thankfully our Trail Walkers gave us some sweet cactus fruit that helped soothe my stomach. I was amazed how my body kept hiking, even though my mind and eyes calculated that it was impossible for me to do so. Our Trail Walkers were peaceful, happy, and at ease. Their gentle ways allowed me to adjust to all the changes I was going through.

I had an understanding of the adjustments that needed to take place coming into nature. But being and walking with these Young Walkers, as a mother walking with them, helped me feel and understand the changing and adjusting that the Young Walkers go through in such a short time.

By walking with these Young Walkers, I felt the things that were going on inside of them. Our Trail Walkers set such a peaceful, unhurried tone, requiring no more of us than we were able to give. This helped us gain trust in them.

As I learned how to put up my shelter, cooked my food, and gathered the sticks and stones to make my skills, I couldn't help but allow my heart and mind to wander after our son. I could see him in my mind's eye. I could hear his laughter because I carried the remembrance of it inside me. I could see his eyes with those big lashes. So much goodness, capabilities, talents stuffed into one child! Why could he not see his true worth and the power he carries within him to succeed?

Even though I am his mother and thought I was close to my son, I was not familiar with the deep aching struggles he was carrying. I did not have that hearing that can hear the veiled call for help that he could not verbalize. I did not have all the answers to his searching questions. I did not have the perfect solution for his every obstacle.

I was introduced to the ANASAZI Way at the first "Blanket Stepping." To me the ANASAZI Way is a way of living the principles of truth, with a peace of heart in our kinships and Belonging Places in the lives of others. On that blanket that represented my new beginning, they taught me of those truths that govern true happiness and real peace. These principles are the Seed of Greatness; the Gift of Choice; Forward and Backward Walking; Boundaries, Laws, and Consequences; Making of a Trusting; Making of an Asking; and Making of a Listening. Each principle of truth carried with it the hope that the impossible can be made possible. I have felt and carried a belief that the Creator of Nature could supply us with abilities, wisdom, and power beyond our own to have a heart of peace. I have always been familiar with these principles throughout my life, but I was led to see them again. Seeing and understanding them dressed so beautifully in these words gave me reverence for them. It caused deep pondering within me to know them anew. As in the Navajo language, there are not periods in a true walking in these principles. Time, conditions, walls cannot limit them. Another's choice will not put an end to their divine purpose but if allowed will only enrich our lives if we let them. Each Final D (destination) is turned into a new beginning for another Final D. The sunsets turn into sunrises. Each principle when lived with pure intent can open up our sight, our ears, our hearts, our spirits, and loosen our tongues to speak words that can carry loving invitations to the heart. As these Trail Walkers made a Speaking, I was moved by their words…

"We only gain goodness."

I was witnessing the reality of that truth in my walking.

I could have a New Beginning with my son, leaving behind those things that did not give nourishment to our sacred kinship and to our Seed of Greatness, those things that did not honor our Belonging Place in our family, with our people and with our Diyin.

I love the words "Seed of Greatness." The word "Greatness" seems to denote a unique great worth. My worth to my mother is in the words she shares with me every now and again, "You are sacred." As a mother I understand the sacredness of human birth. I, along with my husband, was blessed to be the instrument through which each of our children was given their earthly life. No one else can ever give them earthly birth again. It is a once-in-a-lifetime gift! Sacred is this trust and sacred are we with our children.

My son's Seed of Greatness is tied to his father, to me as his mother, to his brothers, to his sisters, to those who walked on the earth who carried the breath of life that would one day come to him. He, in turn, will one day pass on that divine gift to enrich other lives.

The power and value of our souls is immeasurable--hence our Seed of Greatness. Hence the power for good we carry! The power of our true worth!

My Trail Walkers exemplified the Making of a Trusting principle as they watched over and cared for me in a way that I knew I was valued by them. They did not do for me that which I needed to do for myself. As I did for myself, I realized that I was capable of doing more. I also began to trust myself and gain confidence in my own abilities.

They taught me to trust nature. They went with me to gather wood and stones for my skills and gave me choices of which materials I wanted. My small successes of walking in nature they celebrated with quiet joy and words that motivated me to do better. In doing better I became better.

There is something about standing in the footsteps of our son in this Making of a Trusting. As time passed, he had described in his letters in his own words the trust he had gained with his Trail Walkers, with nature, with himself, and with his Diyin.

The Making of an Asking principle honored my Gift of Choice. Herein lays my power to make better choices today. In so doing, I give hope to my tomorrows. I also can truly see my yesterdays in a better light. I have power to leave behind the guilt, the blaming, the fault finding, the reliving of wrong choices and to see with clearer eyes, cleansed heart, enlightened mind, and freed capacity to make goodness where there was only the quiet struggling with unhealed wounds. Through my son, I would be given ways to make peace in those unhealed wounds. What a sacred gift my son was giving me through his walking!

My son was going to be my Trail Walker without being with me physically. My awakening was to listen with my whole being to my Trail Walkers, nature, my Diyin, and to prepare me to truly listen to truly hear my son.

The principle of Laws, Boundaries and Consequences is also a precious truth that has helped me to understand that laws, boundaries, and consequences give me freedom in a unique way. I have physical freedom because of making good choices within the Laws of the Creator of nature. I also have the freedom inside to choose. The things that I gather to my spirit, the refining of my attributes to feel more pure the pains of others and be just and merciful, the purifying of my heart and mind to have the help of my Creator, the loving kinships that I gather, the presence of purer love, true compassion, the gentle power of words and actions, the pure intelligence that is given as I seek, the making of forgiveness that brings peace. Invisible living treasures that start to linger in my life and grow more precious. The warm flowing understandings and teachings that I sometimes can't grasp with my mind as they just flow in. I could go on about the simple and many small gems of awakenings that have come to help me understand, inviting me to strive to live each principle more pure. In disciplining myself outwardly and inwardly under this principle of Laws, Boundaries, and Consequences, I have a freedom in a blessed way. My journey will be long in truly living up to all that has been given me, and in the doing I will again stand in awe. The path out of the box or out of the conflicts of our lives is through the living principles shared in the Blanket Stepping.

On my last day, I went up the high hill to a riverbed to do a special Making of an Asking of Diyin for help in making my fire on the first attempt. I knew that I would use most of my strength in the first attempt. If I didn't get it on my first attempt, I was not sure if I would have strength enough to make a second attempt before leaving the wilderness.

As I knelt down in the clean sandy riverbed under the shade of a tall tree, I prepared myself by removing all other thoughts out of my mind. I began to elevate my mind and open my heart upward. I became still and took my time to ponder as I prepared myself to commune with Diyin. As I was doing so the words from the Bible came into my mind, "And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain." These words carried with them the understanding of my purpose in the wilderness.

The Seed of Greatness in my son had compelled me to go with him this second mile. His spirit that stands within him needed me to do this walking. Other wonderful understandings came flowing into my heart, speeding through my mind, and I could feel them lodge within my spirit. Oh, the sweetness and warmth with which they came. I received peace concerning my son. I received peace concerning my place in my son's life. I didn't find a burning bush but I did find a cool shading tree under which I received sacred gifts.

I went back down the hill and prepared my fire making skills. Every piece was important. So many small things had to work together peacefully and with total commitment in order to make a small coal that would become a fire when put in a soft tinder bundle.

Is birth not like this? Bringing sacred life into the world takes so many small important things to work together peacefully with total commitment to make a healthy strong human life. Oh, the beauty of the awakening of this understanding as I write these words!

I put every piece in its designed place and began to turn the spindle by moving the fire bow back and forth to its full breadth trying to keep my fire bow in a parallel position. I pressed my left palm down upon the socket rock I had made. I tried to keep pressure downward as strong as my mature muscles could provide. I tried with all the strength of my body to focus on my left and right hands as they worked to produce the punk to form a coal.

As my spirit, heart, and mind prayed, I sang the ABC song all the way through as I worked on making a coal. Our Trail Walker Aubrey was there to help me to keep all the pieces in place and to give encouragement. She told me to keep going, don't stop. I tried to sing the ABC song again but half way through my muscles had reached their limit. I stopped and gently lifted my spindle so as not to disturb the punk.

Aubrey looked at the punk and said, "You are so close."

I was beginning to allow disappointment to enter my mind when I looked at the punk and saw it was smoking. I told Aubrey that the punk was smoking. She looked again at the punk and that look of knowing jumped to her eyes. She gently blew on the punk and it glowed red.

I had made a coal! I was elated! I then put the coal into a tinder bundle and gently blew on it.
After a few long moments, the tinder bundle burst into flames.

I jumped up and hollered and did my own cry of success! I gave double high fives all around.

The warm feeling of accomplishment, mingled with gratitude, was so great that it was like a wave coming again and again to immerse me in that joy!

By the grace of my Creator, I had made fire! He had come to my aid and He made my joy complete.

Like making fire, in which after much labor I gently breathed the coal into flame, so it is with birth--after much labor, a baby must take its first breath in order to live.

So it is with my son--he was taking his first real breath in his search for his God. So I understood that as his mother, with the help of our Creator, I needed to do my part of continuing to breathe gently into his life goodness, hope, purer love, and encouragement. I needed to listen to his spirit and celebrate moments that are important to him to honor the One Who Stands Within--his Seed of Greatness--and to peacefully walk with him from sunrise to sunset to sunrise on a journey with no end--a journey of Unending Life and Unchanging Joy.

Our Freedom Eagle did find his God. I also found my Diyin again and He gave me more than I was prepared to receive. We had a wonderful family Dawnstar Camp. There were more weavings of simple, solid gifts of truths, which united us as a family and which will continue to invite us to walk with united hearts of peace. We are home moving forward, helping each other gently.

I want to express gratitude to the two founders who made this sacred time in my life possible. They have dedicated more than 38 years to refine this ANASAZI Walking, so children and families may come to find their Seeds of Greatness. I am aware daily of the Seed of Greatness of one of these founders, Ezekiel Sanchez, who is my husband. I am grateful for his life, because his sacredness is eternally tied to me.

I am also grateful for the ANASAZI employees, who understand the sacred stewardship entrusted to them. For many years, I have watched them help to turn difficult circumstances into hope and joy and peace.

I stand in awe of the Creator of nature who has guided, watched over, and loved every single human soul that has come to ANASAZI Foundation. May they forever walk forward with hearts full of His peace.

I am Pauline Martin Sanchez-Gentle White Dove, and I have spoken.

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