Mom was on the fence about whether to push her son to seek help or let him grow into the idea that he needed to take responsibility for his life.  Below was my reply to her.

“This is a difficult decision, Joan–no question.  From my experience with adolescents and young adults (for that matter most people) most don’t want to do something that is going to be difficult and especially if they don’t think they need it.

“I believe you mentioned your son is quietly willful.  (The most difficult type.) I know because my son was the same way and he learned that trait well from his mother. So often it was a battle of who would win–him or me.  If there was something I wanted him to do, I had to spend so much time trying  to figure out how to get him to think it was his idea.  (Oh the manipulation!). It was exhausting.

“My story…When he was 16,  I couldn’t  continue to try and convince him any longer to do it my way because the convincing wasn’t working and I knew he needed help. His life was definitely not headed in the direction that would fulfill his potential.   I was reminded by the interviewer at the program we found for my son  that I was his mom and if I truly believed he needed help it was my job to get him the help whether he agreed or not because we were talking about his life and his future.  I knew it was true, but I really struggled with what I knew would be a difficult scene and an angry confrontation.  I did make the decision to send him, and it was all those things I feared, but I held firm.  He was angry for a while but I knew it was the right decision, and today I am grateful for the man he has become.

“I gather from our conversation that leverage will be needed to convince your son that our program is the best course of action. Above all, be honest and don’t use any leverage you aren’t willing to follow through on. I think the difficult job of holding his feet to the fire  (and holding firm to the belief that this experience will be  a great opportunity for him to develop confidence, growth and character and prepare him for the wilderness of the world)  is going to fall on you because you seem to have the greatest influence on him.  The truth is that you are giving him a  gift. The difficult decision to get him  help is made out of love.  Few people get an opportunity to find out who they are and what really matters to them at such a young age.  I always say the ANASAZI experience is a rite of passage to adulthood.”