Posted by Sean Rourke on May 5, 2010 | No Comments
Therapeutic consultant and radio host Dore Frances chats with ANASAZI president Mike Merchant on effective parenting, wilderness treatment, and ideas for families with a child in crisis. Included is an in-depth overview of ANASAZI’s confrontation-free brand of wilderness therapy. Visit the Family Solutions Today program page for a streaming archive of the one-hour discussion. For more information, contact ANASAZI Foundation at 800-678-3445 or info@anasazi.org.
http://www.latalkradio.com/Players/Dore-050310.shtml
Tags: anasazi foundation, choosing a therapeutic program, dore frances, drug rehab, family solutions today, mike merchant, outdoor behavioral healthcare, parenting advice, teen intervention, Troubled Teens, Wilderness Therapy, wilderness treatment program
Filed Under: Help for Parents
Posted by Quynn 'Gentle Flying Butterfly' on November 6, 2009 | No Comments
Recently I exchanged emails with a mother whose son had just graduated from high school with barely any effort and no plans for the future other than joining a band and traveling the country. His lack of direction, focus and responsibility were beginning to cause stress and tension within the family. Mom and Dad had researched numerous opportunities and places for him to go where he could experience an opportunity to build confidence and earn success.
Mom was on the fence about whether to push her son to seek help or let him grow into the idea that he needed to take responsibility for his life. Below was my reply to her.
“This is a difficult decision, Joan–no question. From my experience with adolescents and young adults (for that matter most people) most don’t want to do something that is going to be difficult and especially if they don’t think they need it.
“I believe you mentioned your son is quietly willful. (The most difficult type.) I know because my son was the same way and he learned that trait well from his mother. So often it was a battle of who would win–him or me. If there was something I wanted him to do, I had to spend so much time trying to figure out how to get him to think it was his idea. (Oh the manipulation!). It was exhausting.
“My story…When he was 16, I couldn’t continue to try and convince him any longer to do it my way because the convincing wasn’t working and I knew he needed help. His life was definitely not headed in the direction that would fulfill his potential. I was reminded by the interviewer at the program we found for my son that I was his mom and if I truly believed he needed help it was my job to get him the help whether he agreed or not because we were talking about his life and his future. I knew it was true, but I really struggled with what I knew would be a difficult scene and an angry confrontation. I did make the decision to send him, and it was all those things I feared, but I held firm. He was angry for a while but I knew it was the right decision, and today I am grateful for the man he has become.
“I gather from our conversation that leverage will be needed to convince your son that our program is the best course of action. Above all, be honest and don’t use any leverage you aren’t willing to follow through on. I think the difficult job of holding his feet to the fire (and holding firm to the belief that this experience will be a great opportunity for him to develop confidence, growth and character and prepare him for the wilderness of the world) is going to fall on you because you seem to have the greatest influence on him. The truth is that you are giving him a gift. The difficult decision to get him help is made out of love. Few people get an opportunity to find out who they are and what really matters to them at such a young age. I always say the ANASAZI experience is a rite of passage to adulthood.”
Posted by Mike Merchant (Willachee) on October 8, 2009 | 2 Comments
Recently, I received a phone call from a mother who was concerned about her son’s choice of friends. She said she wished he would “pick” better friends. I have often thought about what it means to pick friends. In my experience, I am not sure I have ever consciously picked a friend. It almost feels as if I have ended up with friends–depending upon the story I was telling at the time. Tell stories of blame and I end up with friends who tell stories of blame. Tell stories of love and I end up with friends who tell stories of love.
A YoungWalker described to a group of parents in a seminar having the same experience, she looked at her mom and announced, “It all started with the hair!”
Surprised, her mom asked what she meant by that. Her daughter then explained, “Do you remember when I was about 11 or 12 years old and you and I used to fight about my hair before school each morning? You wanted me to wear my hair like the little girls, with ribbons and bows. I wanted to wear my hair like the older girls. Inevitably, you were bigger than me, so I would end up getting on the bus with ribbons and bows. By the time I sat down, I would have pulled them all out. When I arrived at school my friends would ask me what happened to my hair. And then I would launch into a story of how bad I hated my mom and how controlling she was.”
She then said, “Mom, now that I am 17 years old and I look back, I realize that all my friends are friends who hate their moms…and friends who hate their moms don’t do the kinds of things mothers want them to do. Do they?”
What kind of story do we give our children to tell about us? Perhaps our greatest influence as it relates to our children’s friends lies in the answer to this question.
Posted by admin on September 3, 2009 | 2 Comments
Mike Merchant
If you know ANASAZI, you know we consider our work with parents to be as important as our work with their children. The principles taught in our Anatomy of Peace seminar have inspired two best-selling books and peacemaking techniques used as far away as the Middle East.
Check this section often for helpful hints from ANASAZI parents/counselors and articles from ANASAZI CEO (and seminar leader) Mike Merchant. Learn the seven questions parents should ask when selecting a treatment program by reading Mike’s widely published piece titled “Troubled Teens Need Proven Intervention, Not Boot Camp.”
